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joy1019
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Gender: Female
Interests: Enjoy any time spent, and conversations shared with good friends. Love sciences (specifically biology, chemistry and astronomy), history, good books (fantasy, fiction, non-fiction, sci-fi); enjoy ballet & theater; ADORE dancing (belly dance, latin, swing, ball room, practically any type); love the "little things" in life.
I crave God more and more every day as I watch Him direct my life.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
12/31/2004
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| Life is.... dot...dot...dot....
Well, I'm sick right now. For the second time this year. I was sick all February, and when I finally got better, (for a week) I got nailed a second time. Really, in a matter of a few hours, I went from being fine to stuffed up and sneezing and runny nose. Sick. And on spring break. In Tallahassee, while most other students have gone home for the week. So, sick and alone. Ok, I'm done with the pity party.  I really will be ok.
I have a special man in my life. He makes me happy. He takes care of me. It's...kinda nice to have someone who truly loves you and makes time for you, and you're their first priority. We've been "official" for almost a month now, although technically we've been "together" since last fall; not Facebook worthy, but definitely not "just friends". Heheh...His name is Peter Lawrence Adams, here, for your viewing pleasure, is a recent photograph of us at the Medieval Faire in Gainesville. I go every year in costume, because that's how I roll:
<3<3 More later on life. I just realized how late it is, and I have to be at work early. <3<3
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| Been awhile I guess. School's in full-swing, and .....well hard as crap as usual. Actually, just two of my classes are challenging - the other two seem not so bad. The challenging ones are biochemistry, and applied exercise physiology (with lab once a week). The not-so-bad ones are world culture music and brain & behavior. I'm liking the world cultural music class - it's totally for non-music majors, but I thoroughly enjoy going to class and listening to music clips during lecture from countries around the world. Yay. =) And resisting the urge to hop up and dance during the particularly hip-shaking/foot-tapping melodies.
Life is.........*sigh* Ever not sure if you're doing the right thing? Ever doubt your doubts? Repeatedly? Think you're making the "right" choice, the "mature" choice, but then feel like crap about living with it?
I think I'm crazy. Ripe old age of 26, and unsure, doubting, feeling more clueless than ever before.
Is there really such a thing as a simple life? It never really is entirely, is it? Maybe if I said I was looking for a "complicated life", I'd get a simple one instead?
Meh.
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| Is it cliche to say I have a longing, a desire for something of which I don't know the source for certain?
I have my guesses but I can't really put my finger on it. It usually comes to me whenever I see a loving couple together (on tv, in person, movies, etc), or I find out mutual friends just started dating, or just became engaged. But it doesn't always come over me during those times. A lot of times when I'm out walking (alone), or doing something outside, "it" comes over me. I might point a finger toward the r-word, romance....longing to have that companion here by my side; sharing everyday life together; struggling with the idea that I'll be 27 this year, and the "best years" of my life, health-wise are here and now. So. I could guess the longing is for my future beloved, but...I might be wrong. I hate not "being content being single" as the maturer believers will advise me about - I hate that. Why can't I be content??? What's my problem?? What's wrong with me?? What am I missing here?? I believe that no husband, no man can ever fulfill whatever the crap this longing is I have inside of me, truly I do - I know only God can. But. But.........it's lip service right now, to be perfectly honest. Everything that is inside me and every fiber of what makes me me (which can be some pretty ugly fibers sometimes, trust me =P) longs for......sometimes, screams for...well, for something. For a companion, for a life mate? Perhaps.
I don't want to believe the lie that "God is not enough. He is not all I need." I don't need a companion, a husband. And I want to live as a testimony that He is enough. I feel like a blasphemer. I'd be lying if I said otherwise - God is not all I long for. Obviously. I don't consider it a crime to long for an institution created by God himself, to spend your life with a beloved one. Which makes me wonder as well....if this is such a deep-down part of my core being, could I not suggest that since God created me, He also made me this way I am, and that if He put such a longing in my soul, that He would not eventually fulfill it? But again, where is this longing coming from? What am I actually longing for?
I'm just....restless. I hate that God cannot always "fulfill" the desires I have. Not in the same way a God-sent companion would. I hate that about me. I can't be content. I'm struggling. Yeah, it's no wonder. How the heck can a divided heart expect to find peace?
If I ever do get married someday, and the wedding vows are spoken, and the minister pronounces us "man and wife" (because just because you're engaged, doesn't always mean you'll make it to the altar :-\), then, at that moment, I think that I'll be bawling. And that's no exaggeration. Completely out of my mind with disbelief and awe that it ever happened. I will be crying like a baby from sheer joy.
I suppose I cradle the idea of marriage a little more gingerly in my hands now than I did in the past. Oh how serious, and how priceless it is.
God, I'm so emotional.
Sucks to be organic sometimes.
=P
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| Why do we do the things we know we shouldn't do? Why do we make choices we know are wrong?
How many times will it take to get it through my head?
I know better.
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| I've made it through the first two weeks of summer classes. How many more weeks left until the end? 11? Gotta keep on chugging along...
In life right now, spiritually, I feel.........unsure, unworthy, uninformed, yet...still safe, still covered, still protected, still noticed by God, still in His hand, still nestled, still held. I'm getting better at recognizing the enemy's lies, and boldly attacking them, face-to-face, with sword and shield at hand. Of course, I can attack anything I can see coming. But He is my Immanuel.
I'm not sure exactly what it means, but I feel I've somehow "made it over a hump"...the hump that's been the last 6 months or so. I can look back (in disbelief) and say, "I've made it, I'm here, I'm still alive. I did it!!" But praise to God, only because of Christ, my Comforter. My Rock.
Different topic: if anyone would care to join me sometime when Prince Caspian and/or Ironman comes to the dollar theater, I will very happily go see either or both again. Both were really good. Don't listen to what anyone else tells you. I am the voice of reason, after all. =)
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